I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes...

I met A on May 31, 2004 on a hot, dry and sultry evening exactly at 5pm near Saket in Delhi. We came across each other through one of the forums most commonly used by men like A and me. We had been talking to each other over the phone for the past one week or so. The first thing that I liked about him was his baritone voice. He had always been full of fun and laughter over the phone. I was looking forward to meet him. Initially as it generaly happens, he introduced himself with a different name. The hesitance, doubts and perhaps some fear associated meeting men online had been the cause. I was 23 then and he was almost 7 years elder to me, working as a fashion designer. I am definitely not the phone guy. Cant talk over the phone for more than five minutes. I would convey what I want to and then say good bye. But, when he wud call, we would be talking for long, almost 20 to 30 minutes and that was pretty long for me. I still remember one night we talked for almost one hour and I was surprised at myself. And all this while we really didnt talk anything about each other. All we did was laughing on his silly jokes and puns. He would crack jokes on himself, his nose, his attire and his car and I would keep smiling and laughing.

So we met as planned. That was a sunday evening and we drove towards Gurgaon. After exchanging initial greetings we started talking about work, life and life in general. He was confident, articulate, intelligent, fun, warm, with a crazy knack for cracking jokes. It was real hard parking the car in the parking lot near City Center on a sunday evening in Gurgaon. And i couldnt find a single line of slightest of worry or anger. He kept cracking one liners on the people around and the parking lot guys. He was definitely a great amuser.

:P

While sitting at one of the eating joints, we talked about the grey part of our lives which for both of us was something very intimate and somehow we both shared it with each other. He was the first man I met with whom i talked so closely about my past life. Each of our lives is full of different shades of colors. Some are vibrant hues of good times while the others are the darker ones which we really dont want to share with every one but a very close few. That evening we spent 5 hours together and I must admit, I had developed a soft corner for him on that very day. We departed around 10 something in the night. On my way back home I sms him saying it was a real pleasure meeting him and the reply I received was really surprising.

And so we began talking over the phone. We both had pretty busy schedule, his was more hectic then mine. I had been working with a BPO for the past one year and thankfully I didnt have to burn the midnight oil. I was enjoying my work and it was great working with a bunch of cool interesting people at work. But now I had another reason for being happier. A was a busy guy, working 9 to 6 and then spending another 2 hours in the gym, then taking some time out for family. Most of our conversations happend only after I reached back home at midnight. And I was surprised to see how I am able to talk for more than an hour every night which had never been the case before.

I was falling in love with this man. I would be thinking about him and smiling my way while working and started making the most stupid of mistakes which reflected in the performance report of June. To say in a nutshell, he was all over me. One night, I came back from home and the moment I entered my room, A called up asking if I reached home. When I said yes, he asked me if I was wearing a black trousers and a blue shirt. I thought he must have seen me on my way to office or while coming back. The he laughed and said that I am too lost in my own world that I didnt even notice a smart man waiting for me two meters away from me while i was striding towards my room. He was so true. I had always been in my won world of thoughts, less concerned about the world immediate next to me. I never in my thoughts imagined that he would come to see me at that point of time. That night he took me to his home and showed me the recordings of his shows and work. I had always been curious about designs, clothes, architecture and interiors. He would tell me the small little things of designing, different kind of clothes, texture, prices, and places to hunt for the right stuff. Needless to say we shared some intimates moments as well.